If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
