How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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