There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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