I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
