her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
