She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
