Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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