We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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