this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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