so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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