How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
