never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
