I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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