it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
