It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
