i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i think my cat just said my name.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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