my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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