im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
