I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I didn't notice because vodka
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
