Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
