In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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