i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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