i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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