Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want nice things and good sex
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
