don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
