I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
