my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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