My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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