I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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