well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
