He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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