I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
