I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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