I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
