Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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