my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
