Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Boobs speak an international language.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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