Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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