I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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