My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
