He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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