Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
