u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
