it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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