hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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