I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
