Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
