if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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