They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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