I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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