my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
