Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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