also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
