It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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