I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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